SUBM.0264.001.0001
Royal
Commission into family violence
The
first time I got
the
courage
to
leave my abusive partner, and cry for help
was
quickly shut down
and dismissed
by
a male doctor. A few
days
later
my
ex
partner had broken my nose when
he
violently head butted me and knocked me unconscious
to
the ground.
My
family
didn't
want
anything
to
do with me,
because
my ex-partner manipulated them. I was isolated from my friends.
My
children
~ere
land
almostlat
the time .
I will never forget
DR.
. I
was
vulnerable; I went
to
him
to
report the violent incident.
To
tell him I need help, guidance, protection, and reassurance
of
how
to
get
out
and how
to
keep safe.
Instead I
was
bullied and intimidated
by
someone who
was
in a position
to
help me.
It
became very
evident very quickly
that
Dr.1111 "did
not
want
to
get involved", and was quick
to
stereo type me. I
was
told "you woman are all the
same,
make claims, then change your minds and
go
back
to
these
violent men".
He
stopped
me
in
the corridor and
said
...
"if
this ever gets
to
court I will not
have
you
call me
as
a witness,
or
support your allegations.
Do
you know how much I earn? Who will
pay
for
my time, just
so
you
can
go
back
to
him, and
he
does
it
all again. I will
not
go
to
court."
He
was
hesitant
to
even document my injuries.
With nowhere
to
go,
I felt I
had
no
choice, but
to
go
back
home
to
my abusive partner
of.
years.
Sure
enough a few days later there
was
police involved because
he
had head butted
me
causing
me
to
black
out
on the floor. When I came to, there
was
blood everywhere, and I couldn't
see.
He
beat
me
and kicked me while I
was
on the floor and while holding our
baby.
and
while
mtllvear
old sat
eating.dinner
witnessing all this. That night
he
bro~e my nose.
The
police still
took
out
an
IVO
against me, and believed his version
of
events.
The
police officer "cringed and
gasped when
he
saw my face all swollen and my
nose
bleeding, I could barely open my eyes
it
was
that bad. The police officer then said
to
me
"I know you look worse off, but because you instigated
the argument we have decided
to
take
out
a restating order against you". I
was
informed by a senior
constable
at
- Police station,
that
I
was
not
to
go
back
to
the house
that
night,
or
I would
be
arrested, handcuffed and charged
for
breaching
the
IVO.
I asked where
was
I supposed
to
go?
They
said
"that's
not
our
problem, phone-a friend
or
family member,
or
you can
go
to
a woman's shelter
for the night".
Society needs
to
be
educated, the younger generation have
to
be
taught
that
it
is
not
right
to
put
your hands on someone
else,
to
degrade, put down, or control another human being.
The
cycle
of
Violence
has
to
be
broken.
It
has
to
be
broken through educating the public, and supporting the
victims.
Those
in
society who are trusted
such
as
doctors and the police who have take an oath
to
protect,
should
not
be
thinking "here we
go
again" but recognise
that
this person needs help (whether the
victim know
it
or not). Doctors, the police, teachers and school councillors need
to
step'
up
and
report
or
make note in their files
if
they believe Domestic violence is occurring.
So
if
it
gets
to
court,
then there
is
a history.
To
do this, People in these trusted positions have
to
be
educated on what
to
look for, and understand why
it
is
so
hard
to
leave
an
abusive relationship. They need
to
understand
the genuine fear victims and survivors have
of
their abusers.
More recently I
was
informed
by
the school councillor,
that
my
was
exhibiting
extreme signs
of
anxiety, stress, and complaining
of
stomaching aches and headaches; and could not
concentrate in
class
because
of
the upcoming "court ordered phone call
from-father".
When I
asked
the councillor
if
she could
put
all her concerns in writing,
so
that
I
can
show the courts what
was
happening
to-
she
initially appeared very supportive and
said
yes.
lhe
next day
she
called me saying
she
wasn't going
to
give me a letter outlining her concerns because,
she
"did not
11Page
SUBM.0264.001.0002
Royal
Commission
into
family violence
feel comfortable in writing the letter" and didn't want to "disadvantage either party". Again I felt let
down.
Schools
feel it's easier
to
turn a blind eye, or just
because
they
don't
see
bruises then
everything must
be
alright.
As
the abuse escalated at
home,-would
hide under school
desks
and just cry and rock.
The
kids would laugh and
teaselllland
the teacher would just
leavellllllthere
and
go
on
teaching.
Teachers
have
to
understand
that
Domestic violence
is
a huge problem in our world today. Teachers
have
to
view school
as
a sanctuary for some
of
these children.
For
some
of
these
kids,
it's the only
place they
can
just
be
kids
and
escape
their harsh reality
at
home. Teachers and schools need better
regulations
of
policies when
it
comes
to
recording
and
reporting Domestic Violence.
It
should
be
compulsory
that
schools have
their
files offered
to
court in
ALL
children matters
of
custody where
Domestic Violence
has
occurred. ieachers and staff
of
schools need
to
attend programs
or
courses,
which shock them into understanding what
it
is
like
to
live Domestic violence every day-through the
eyes
of
a child!
We
need
to
better equip schools with tools and strategies
to
better handle these
damaged children, in order
to
break the cycle.
The
education programs should further extend into the classrooms.
We
have
to
educate the next
generation
to
respect our
selves
and one another. That
is
NEVER
okay
to
physically, mentally,
psychologically, sexually
abuse
another human being.
The
cycle must
be
broken through education
and
knowledge.
I lived
in
an
abusive relationship for
.years.
I lived through the abuse
of
the legal system
forl
years
and
counting. Today I want my story told and my recommendations
to
be
listened
to
because
I
lived through it.
my ex-husband, turned
up
to
the house in a
rage
just
because
he
found
out
my
mother, was helping me raise
our.children,
while I was pregnant
wit~We
had been
separated
for.months;
he
was
not
living
at
the
house.
He
violently beat my elderly mother, pulled
clumps
of
hair from her
scalp,
and kicked, pushed and
hit
me. I
was-
pregnant with
our.
child and all - children had witnessed the incident. Police were called and
he
was
arrested.
Constable took
out
an
interim
IVO
against my husband. I had
to
appear
at
the
Magistrates
court-times!
!-times
just
to
get the full intervention order.
The
police had taken
out
the initial interim order on my behalf. But
my
ex-husband dragged
it
out, despite the
overwhelming hard evidence, all with the help
of
the legal system.
This
should
not
have
happened.
After this process I now
can
understand why women just
don't
see
the point, and give up pursuing
an
IVO.
The
police should have the power
to
issue
a standard
12
month
IVO
(unless a magistrate
sees
fit
to
extend). There should only
be
one court appearance
to
finalise/dispute the matter. This will clear
the courts already heavy work load, and reduce the stress, anxiety, and fear
on
the victims and the
children involved. Magistrates should enforce men's behaviour programs, anger management
programs, onto the perpetrator who the
IVO
is
being placed upon.
The
current system
of
just
'recommending' these programs stands with no consequences.
IVO
are taken
out
on
someone who
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21Page
SUBM.0264.001.0003
Royal
Commission into family violence
is
violent and a danger
...
they need consequences
for
their
behaviour and tougher penalties when
breaches occur. Bottom line, IVO's need
to
be
a simpler process, with fear reduced for the victim.
It
should
not
be
a dragged
out
process; and
it
should
be
made compulsory
to
have
the children
of
the
marriage put on
it
to
protect them.
I pressed charges against my ex-husband for assaulting
me,
my unborn child and my mother.
It
took
the legal
systemlyears
to
find him guilty despite the over whelming evidence stacked against him.
There
was
photo evidence taken
by
the officer on the scene, Constable (who I
commend for his handling
of
my
case),
the ambulance report,
the
hospital report, and
text
messages
he
sent me immediately before his attack on me. All this and the legal system allowed him
to
not
only drag
out
the inevitable, but
he
was
allowed
to
leave the country
months.
There needs
to
be
better legal resources available
to
woman/victims
of
DV
and a review
of
the
current legal aid system.
It
is unfair
to
disadvantage woman/victims who
have
finally gained the
courage
to
leave their partners just
because
they
have
property in their name or
because
they
cannot afford the astronomical legal fees. Why can't women/victims
be
represented and
have
a
signed agreement for a set amount. This will ensure
that
lawyers
don't
unnecessarily drag out the
process any longer than what
it
should. There should
be
a system in place where young lawyers just
out
of
university
or
fourth year students who
can
work with family violence victims
to
gain
experience and understanding, all while not charging
as
much
as
more experienced lawyers.
My
first lawyer, ,
was
recommended
to
me
by
Legal
Aid
(as
I
was
not
entitled
to
their service .
He
was
a bully.
He
was ignorant
of
family violence, and gave
me
misinformation and
bad, bad,
bad
advice.
He
charged me for work I did
not instruct him
to
do. I
felt
like
he
didn't
listen or understand my concerns, especially when
it
came
to
protecting my children.
He
forced
me
(yes
forced,
as
I
didn't
feel I
was
being heard, and
he
would
argue and
YELL
at
me over and over again until I gave in),
to
allow my ex-husband unsupervised
visitation.
My
children.are traumatised from the violence.
My
youngest
at
the time was breast feed
and only a few months old; the
same
baby
he
tried
to
kill when
he
threw
me
on my stomach, kicked
and punched my stomach, because
he
didn't
want the baby. ·
I voiced my concerns repeatedly, providing him - with hard physical evidence
that
my
ex-
husband
was
unstable
to
be
around the children.
this hard evidence and my lawyer just said
to
me
...
"He
is
their father and he
has
rights
to".
It
was
a nightmare on
top
of
a nightmare.
My
ex-husband
was
living a double life which I had only
found
out
about after
he
attacked me. But my lawyer just kept telling me, "he
is
their
father,
he
has
a right
to
see
his children". This
is
despite the children not having any contact with him
for-
Despite the fact these children witnessed his violent attack on their pregnant mother and
grandmother. Despite the fact
that
he
belted and slapped around my children.
my eldest. Despite
the
fact
that
there
was
an
IVO
with the children on it, in place!
My
lawyer told
me
"let
him
see
the kids on your terms
...
but
you have
to
compromise",
have
it
at
a
and you wait outside in the
car.
This breached the
IVO
and caused
so
much
trauma for me (the sole carer for my
lchildren),
I demanded supervised visitation, on a gradual
3IPage
SUBM.0264.001.0004
Royal
Commission into family violence
bases.-later
I would
have
to
go
to
court and
pay
thousands
of
dollars
to
have
a court reporter
and independent children's lawyer
(ICL)
recommend this.
My
ex-husband breached the
IVO
several times during this trial visitation period. I would inform my
lawyer in hope
to
stop the visits which were causing distress for the children, and affecting them in
school. But instead my lawyer gloated that "this
is
good,
see
I told you, give him enough rope and
he
will
hang himself." "We
go
to
court we
can
use
this
as
evidence". "This
is
gold
...
now
the
judge can't
say
you are
an
over protective mother or a jealous
ex
wife". Mind you I had, from day one,
instructed my lawyer
that
I want
Sole
parental responsibility,
as
he
was
mentally unfit and had
shown no interest in the children for over a year.
He
wasn't even paying child support.
My
lawyer
said "there
is
no
such
thing
as
full custody, he,
as
a father had rights too. And these are his children;
he
should
be
included in making dissensions for them". In my response
to
the courts, and against my
instructions,
he
had filed shared parental responsibility!
Every
time I bought up money for the kids living expenses, my lawyer would
say
'that's a child
support matter'-to
me
this
is
not
good enough.
The
Child support system needs
an
overhaul. Child
support
is
a 'children's matter'. There needs
to
be
tougher, harsher penalties
for
parents who avoid
child support payments.
In
my opinion failure
to
pay child support
is
a form
of
abuse.
If
they really
did
care
about their children, they would pay child support.
My
ex
fought me in court
for
'visitation',
he
never wanted custody, only
because
he
was
told
if
he
had them a percentage
of
the time
it
would
reduce
his
child support payments
or
I might have to
pay
him child support
if
he
has
shared custody.
I
was
honest with my income in court, but my
ex
lied and
is
getting payed
cash
in hand,
so
because
on paper I earned more (centrelink benefits) I would
have
had
to
pay him Child support. I believe
this
is
a
big
reason why parents would pursue visitation,
not
because they
have
an
interest in the
children.
In
my view Child support needs
to
be
incorporated in the legal proceedings, even
if
it's
simply
an
extra form added
to
court applications. There also should
be
harsher penalties such
as
prevention from taking
out
a loan
or
suspend a passport and tougher penalties for employers who
pay
cash
in hand.
The
legal system and the family court in particular, needs
to
be
better linked
up.
Divorce should not
be granted until all financial and children matters are finalised
(If
they are really in a hurry
to
move
on, then they will settle quicker). Those facing criminal charges in a magistrates court,
for
example,
steaming from family violence
or
those who lodge applications in family court should
not
be
allowed
to
simply leave
the
country
..
My
ex
served me with legal papers and informed
me
he
was
leaving-
fo-
on the
same
day.
All the while there were serious criminal charges pending against him, and no child
support payments being made
by
him. I still had
to
attend family court
to
be
told, by the
Judge
there
is
no point for
us
being here
as
he
is not present in court.
My
lawyer charged
me-
for
his
time.
My
lawyer brought up the pending criminal charges against my
ex,
and
his
lawyer just dismissed
it
saying there are no charges your honour "my lawyer then had the nerve
to
ask
me "did
he
really hit
you?
Cause
he's saying
it
didn't
happen".
Mind
you I had been charged close
to-for
my first
affidavit-an affidavit
that
I was told
by
my lawyer at the time
to
keep things
out
of,
don't
put
that
in
or
you will look like
an
over protective mother, leave out the part where the trial visitation with the
kids
failed miserably because you will look like your picking on him and judges hate that; put in
the
fact
he
cheated on you
because
the female judge presiding will sympathise
with
you.
Affidavits are a very big part
of
family court process and
it
is also very costly. I would like
to
see
this
processed reviewed. Perhaps
have
affidavits
not
written
by
lawyers, which
is
where the costs come
41Page
SUBM.0264.001.0005
Royal
Commission into family violence
into play. I recommend
that
there are specialised groups set up
to
help write Affidavits. They
won't
be
coming from lawyers who manipulate the story
that
is
being told.
The
victims
of
family violence
will feel more supported
if
they believe they are being heard and understood and most
importantly
...
Validated.
It's no surprise
that
my ex-Husband lied in his affidavit and claimed there
was
never any domestic
violence. But what
was
surprising
is
that
I presented hard evidence
of
violence, his mental state, his
inappropriate
sexual
behaviour, his suicidal tendency and still had
to
"go through the process" and
hand him my children.
The
law states that the child must have a "healthy relationship with both parti.es", what a huge
contradiction when there
is
a history
of
family violence and sexual abuse. Family violence on a
partner
has
to
be
recognised when
it
comes
to
children matters, and
not
ignored
as
it
currently
stands.
These
children have witnessed it, an~ are affected
by
it, and more likely
to
have
trauma
from
it. This
is
the environment they have lived in
for
so
long. Sexual abuse
cases
have
to
be
highlighted. A
simple box, for
an
applicant
to
tick, on the family court application for proceedings, asking "are the
children
at
tisk
of
Sexual abuse" and is there a history
of
family violence would ensure
the
Judge
takes the right steps
to
protecting our children. This will also reduce some
of
the stress court
proceedings brings
as
all parties involved will
be
aware
of
the nature
of
the
case
from the onset.
When hard evidence
of
family violence and sexual abuse
is
presented
to
the courts,
it
must
be
taken
into
account.
The
law
MUST
change
to
reflect this. Only supervised visitation should
be
offered
to
the parent,
if
any contact
at
all. Why would you hand over a child
to
someone who
is
physically,
There should
be
more Contact centres
such
as
, who offer a service where
by
children are observed with the parent and
an
independent report
is
offered
to
the courts
at
the end
of
3-6 month period. Children are mentally and physically
safe
and this gives a chance
for
the parent
to
prove themselves
to
be
fit.
This
brings me
to
the issue
of
court reporters. How
can
Judges,
ICL,
and lawyers rely
so
heavily on a
single document? A document which
was
compiled after a single visit, lasting only a few hours.
Again, no one wants
to
take responsibility. I
was
absolutely petrified
to
go
see
a court reporter
because
of
what my lawyer had told me.
He
said "be prepared
to
hand over your kids
to
your
ex
husband
because
court reporters follow the law, and the law states both parents are
to
have
shared
custody".
He
told
me
that
"court
reporters
don't
read all the affidavit materials". I
was
advised
to
"not
talk anything
bad
about my
ex
husband
as
I would come
off
looking like an angry
ex
wife and
an
over protective mother''.
From my personal experience, I believe there needs to
be
more court reporters
such
as
Dr-
- From her Affidavit/report I believe
that
she
exhausted all resources available
to
her, before
making her recommendations.
She
listened
to
me and more importantly
she
heard me. Reading her
report I felt validated, finally someone
is
going
to
help
me
keep my children safe.
She
even called
myself and my
ex
partner
back
for a second sitting (separately)
to
further clarify a few questions
that
she
had.
I believe
she
also contacted the
ICL
and my
children's councillor.
SI
Page
SUBM.0264.001.0006
Royal
Commission into family violence
Dr.
also
observed both myself and
my
ex-partner together. I
was
so
scared
when
she
told
me
she
would
be
doing
this,.
years on and
it
would
have
been
the first time I would
have
seen
him
since
he
hit
me
while I
was
pregnant. But, I highly recommend this
be
implemented
by
ALL
family
court reporters.
If
two
people can't
even
communicate about one topic in almost
an
hour, how
can
these
two
people make important, lifelong, more complex decision in future for their children?
Though out
my
journey I would not
be
where I
am
today
if
it
wasn't for the support group in
my
community - health services).
Each
step
of
the way support workers,
social
workers,
councillors, would help
me
with
legal
support, direction, and help dealing with my own trauma.
The
hardest part for
me
was
recognising and admitting
that
I
was
a victim
of
domestic violence.
There needs to
be
funding injected
by
the government into ongoing, long term support groups
that
build
up
and strengthen victims into survivors and thrivers.
Long
term post crisis support programs
are
very important, and will assist more victims to get
out
of
an
abusive relationship. Many victims
go
back to their abusers because
of
a lack
of
support they
have
nowhere
to
go, are feeling
overwhelmed and believe their abusers who tell them they are nothing and can't
make
it
on
their
own.
We
need
Long
term support for children.
My
children have been seeing a child counsellor and
have been involved in an amazing program
called-which
helps kids
with
trauma.
Throughout this experience,
no
one
with the authority and power wants
to
take ownership
or
the
responsibility. Survivors
of
Family violence
are
one
of
the strongest, resilient people,
to
go
through
hell and come
out
on the other
side.
We
find
an
inner strength
that
was
always there but
overshadowed
by
fear.
We
have acknowledged there
is
a problem;
we
have
acknowledged there
needs
to
be
change, I thank you for taking the time to read
my
submission.
Please
feel free
to
contact
me,
should you need to.
.
6IPage
