Maintain a rational, goal oriented frame of mind: if your opponent attacks you personally, don't let him hook
you into an emotional reaction; let the other blow off steam without taking it personally; try to understand
the problem behind the aggression
Emphasize win-win solutions:
Even in what appears to be win-lose situaitons, there are often win-win solutions; look for an integrative
solution; create additional alternatives, such as low cost concessions that might have high value to the other
person; frame options in terms of the other person's interests; look for alternatives that allow your opponent
to declare victory
Find underlying interests
A key to success is finding the "integrative" issues--often they can be found in underlying interests.
We are used to identifying our own interests, but a critical element in negotiation is to come to
understanding the other person's underlying interests and underlying needs. With probing and exchanging
information we can find the commonalities between us and minimize the differences that seem to be evident.
Understanding these interests is the key to "integrative bargaining." The biggest source of failure in
negotiation is the failure to see the "integrative" element of most negotiation. Too often we think a situation
is win-lose when it is actually a win-win situation. This mistaken view causes us to often use the wrong
strategy. Consider a situation where your boss rates you lower on a performance appraisal than you think
you deserve. We often tend to see this as win-lose-either he/she gives in or I give in. There is probably a
much higher chance of a successful negotiation if you can turn this to a win-win negotiation.
A key part in finding common interests is the problem identification. It is important to define the problem
in a way that is mutually acceptable to both sides. This involves depersonalizing the problem so as not to
raise the defensiveness of the other person. Thus the student negotiating a problem with a professor is likely
to be more effective by defining the problem as "I need to understand this material better" or "I don't
understand this" rather than "You're not teaching the material very well."
Use an Objective Standard
Try to have the result be based on some objective standard. Make your negotiated decision based on
principles and results, not emotions or pressure; try to find objective criteria that both parties can use to
evaluate alternatives; don't succumb to emotional please, assertiveness, or stubborness
Try to understand the other person: Know his/her situation
Often we tend to focus on our needs, our goals, and our positions. To successfully resolve conflict, it is
important to focus also on the other person. We need to figure out what the other's goals, needs, and
positions are as well as their underlying interests. We need to think about the personality of the other person,
how far we can push, how open or concealed we should make our positions.
Acquire as much information about the other's interests and goals; what are the real needs vs. wants; what
constituencies must he or she appease? What is her strategy? Be prepared to frame solutions in terms of her
interests.
An important part of this is to recognize that people place very different values on issues than ourselves. For
example, a clean room may be much more important to you than it is to your roommate. We must
understand how the other person sees reality, not just how we see reality.
If through pressure, deception or sheer aggressiveness, we push people to the point where they see
themselves as likely to lose, this creates problems. The opponent will retaliate and fight back; losers often